Cats don’t even listen to us but they pick up our slang.

Photo via http://www.flickr.com/photos/28481088@N00

It was a Monday afternoon and she knew I had the day off.  ”What do you want need?”, I asked regretting answering the phone immediately.

“I need someone to take my cat to the vet.  I am out of town and the housesitter said the cat is really sick.”  Cat?  Me help a cat.  Doesn’t she read my blog?  Oh that’s right I didn’t tell anyone I know about the site or my irrational fear of cats.

I must have paused long enough that she wondered if the cell phone cut off.  ”You don’t have anyone else that can help.”  Of course she didn’t.  Fine I will help.  Either I will prove cats are fuzzy and happy or that they are the horrible menace.

She gave me directions to her new house and told me where the hidden key was located.  It was only a fifteen minute drive but I was already sweating.  I was simultaneously thinking what horrible things could happen and then chiding myself for being so stupid.

Cats are everywhere, loved by millions.  They are fuzzy, soft and whimsical.  But they scratch the shit of things and people.  They curl up on your lap on a cold day purring on your lap and they walk on the counter after trotting through the litter box.

So I pull up to the house wiping the nervous sweat from my brow.  I get out, pick up the key and walk to the door.  I put the key in the door and call her before I open the door.  Whatever happens I want her to know as it happens.   She’s on the line as I open the door.  Two cats eyeball me and they look exactly the same.  Which one is sick?  Apparently the heavier one!

I have to pick them both up when I don’t even want to be there!  They are walking around and don’t seem to mind me haphazardly weighing them. She doesn’t remember where the cat carrier was put after the move and I can’t find it.  She agrees, not that it mattered, that having a cat wandering around in my car on the way to the vet was a bad idea.

I am in the room where the cat’s eat and there is a platic tub with a cover that should work perfectly.  Yes it has air holes.  I am scared, not sadistic.  While I have done all of this searching and moving around the two cats have been walking around occasionally brushing up against me.

So after we decided to use the plastic tub I emptied it.  I don’t know if it was the noise of the paper I pulled out of the plastic tub but it happened, the cat bit me….to be continued…

Ruins prove our ancients knew the dangers of cats.

photo via http://www.flickr.com/photos/74528046@N00/

Shining 2 coming to a theater near you, too soon.

photo via Evapro

How often does a dog do that?

photo via http://www.flickr.com/photos/greggoconnell

Aww, isn’t he cute? NO! He is trying to eat him!

photos via http://www.flickr.com/photos/scrapstothefuture/

The original poster did not involve a cat hanging from a branch.

photo via http://www.flickr.com/photos/mstalia/